Musings on my time as a Virtual PA to a Pro Domme

Author: Miss Coochie Couture

Professional Dominatrices, in fact any sex worker, are the world’s hardest working people!

Marketing and brand management, finance, customer service, administration, social media experts, artists and content creators in fact, I believe, they are the true innovators and entrepreneurs. Using all these skills and learned experience to bring moments of pleasure to those seeking a heady mix of dopamine and adrenaline.

But with any business, you are always at risk of economic downturns, Covid lockdowns, personal health issues and more than a few shitty customers.

If you are lucky to talk to any professional in this industry you will encounter strong willed, approachable people but with their fair share of horror stories and in some cases their battle scars.

Behind the scenes a lot of work goes in to your session. For every hour session there are multiple hours and minutes spent preparing, negotiating, and curating and experience that will make you not only enjoy the time you have together, but leave you wanting to come back again and again.

I confess, I am not in a position to go in to much more detail of what they themselves go through, both physically and mentally. I am not a professional dominant or a sex worker and nor have I ever been. 

There are plenty of books, blogs and articles out there that cover these topics from their own personal experiences.

What I can talk about however is my time as a virtual assistant to Professional Dominant.  I’ve been fortunate to have been an assistant to more than just one, but I write here about my first introduction and experiences. I have chosen not to name them out of respect for their privacy.

“The first rule of sub club is don’t talk about sub club”

Over the course of 18 months I was very fortunate to witness, and be inspired by, her approach to not only the industry but life in general.

I started out initially just offering virtual service to those who I mutually followed on Twitter. Being a formal submissive at the time was a bit of a unique thing.

The majority of ProDommes marketing is centred on male clients. So having a female who communicates differently, I found, led to more personal conversations.

If I had some downtime in my own workload I would just post on Twitter about being available to assist in anything they didn’t have time for themselves.

One of the first tasks I received was from a very well known and established Mistress in Sydney. She had been looking at leather coats from a store based in Melbourne but she wasn’t sure if the sizing on their site was in European or Australian standards. She asked me if I could find out.

I quickly found the number of the store and just gave them a call. I had the answer in two minutes and messaged her back with the answer.

Following this I got asked to help out more and more. Developing tools and ways to try and help simplify her workload.

My reputation as someone who could get shit done, was trustworthy, discreet and not asking for anything in return also led to me assisting other dominants. And it was for one of these dominants who I became regular assistant to.

At the time I said it was like working for Miranda Priestley, the lead protagonist from the Devil Wears Prada movie. 

But in reality it was more of a far simple arrangement. I used my skills to help streamline her processes, improve the ways to manage and lessen the impact of time wasters and to generally be her confidante.

She would seek my input or perspective, but the ultimate decision was always hers. It is her brand, her business, her livelihood and ultimately her mental and physical well-being.

Despite developing a close and mutually respectful friendship, I could never know what experiences with her clients were like. We never spoke about anything which had happened in session, unless one of them had overstepped the mark and pushed beyond her own boundaries.

Being a female with a trans life experience, I was also consulted on how she could adjust her marketing approach to gain more female and gender diverse clients. This tends to be a common question and one I have encountered across conversations with a number of professional female dominants. 

 But what did I get in return? 

I got a sense of belonging at a time when I was listlessly floating through life, trying to survive the isolation and mental instability which Covid brought me. Trapped in another part of the country, alone and with no control over my life I had become unsure of my place in the world.

My offers of service were an attempt to justify my place in this world. 

I got structure, purpose and as well as the sense of belonging she gave me guidance and advice on coping with uncertainty, dealing with self doubt, self belief and a drive to live in the moment and enjoy the experience of being alive each and every day. If only for an hour.

She taught me the importance of having boundaries. That constantly saying yes for fear of rejection or abandonment is not going to bring me the safety that I believed it would.

This experience changed my life in more ways than I could ever put in to words. 

After the lockdown lifted in Victoria we managed to session in person. It was fun and I actually learnt a lot more from these about how to control and react to how things change with each different stimulus, which I now take in to my own play as a Dominant myself. I learnt how to be playful and adaptive. How to manage the situation to ensure that both myself and submissive are getting the best from our time. 

Importantly I learnt how to curate an experience based on negotiation, consent and set boundaries.

We still talk, not as regular as we once did. I still hold her friendship close and along with a few others who I was lucky to be around at my darkest time, she is one of the reasons I am here today.

So how do I summarise this so that you have some pearl of wisdom to take away?

I guess I can’t. My experiences were my own. I guess my only advice I would offer, and you can take this whichever way you like…

Whether you are interacting with a sex worker, professional dominant or in fact anyone providing you with a service….. DONT BE A DICK!